Breaking the Victim Mentality
As far back as I can remember I was always the victim. Men and boys would touch me in places they shouldn’t and threaten me to keep quiet. As a child I did what they said out of fear, taking on that victim mentality.
Whether you’re a child who is being abused, a kid or teen who is being bullied in school, a teen in a controlling dating violent situation, or you’ve mistakenly married into a domestic violence relationship, you have taken on a victim mentality.
A victim mentality is based out of fear. Fear that if you tell someone something even worse may happen. Fear that if you don’t tell the abuse/bullying will continue to happen.
The trouble is when we operate in fear and stay in that victim mentality, the abuse, bullying and violence will continue and even escalate. I was a victim of child sexual abuse. I was a victim of peer pressure. I was a victim of school bullying. I was a victim of date rape. I was a victim of dating violence. I never felt happy, just numb.
So I ran away from home at thirteen to escape the abuse. But my victim mentality only grew. I lived on the streets hitchhiking from state to state for two years. I was penniless, starving, and homeless. Even worse I was kidnapped, raped, beaten, forced into prostitution, and nearly killed.
Later, at fifteen I returned home. At sixteen I was co-dependent to my victimization and married my abusive alcoholic boyfriend who almost murdered me. And because I clung to that victim mentality the repetitive cycle of abuse continued onto my own children. At eighteen I married again, to a man in the church, who seemed like the perfect gentleman. He treated me special, brought me flowers, opened doors for me, told me that I was beautiful and that he loved me. We had three children together before I realized that he’d been living a secret detestable life of pornography addiction. He both physically and sexually abused our three young children.
When we continue to go through life with a victim mentality, others will continue to use and abuse us. They will not only hurt us but our children too. I didn’t begin to break this cycle of abuse until the age of twenty-six. But the good thing is that you can do it right now before it’s too late!
Are you or your child or another loved one, family member, or friend operating in a victim mentality?
The way to getting your breakthrough is by deciding right now that you are not going to be victimized anymore by others. You are going to stand up for yourself and those that you love. In doing this, you must break the silence, report what’s been happening in your (their) life, make a plan of escape, and get out of the abusive, bullying, violent situation.
Being a victim is a mindset. Decide today, like me, and my family, that you are going to be a survivor!
-Victims keep everything private and quiet—Survivors open up and report the abuse
-Victims tend to isolate themselves—Survivors get out and get active
-Victims are loners and don’t have many friends—Survivors are a friend to others and stand up for them too
-Victims are in bondage--Survivors are free!
-Victims are sad and miserable--Survivors are happy and empowered
Lisa Freeman is a motivational speaker from Owosso, Michigan who empowers others to break their victim mentality and be survivors. She is a bully expert and the Healing Projects Specialist with the Bully Police USA. She rescues both people and pets, is an Award-Winning Author, an AKC Evaulator, Dog Trainer, and Certified Pet Therapist. Contact her today